Communication

"We are living in the future
I'll tell you how I know
I read it in the paper
Fifteen years ago
We're all driving rocket ships
And talking with our minds
And wearing turquoise jewelry
And standing in soup lines…"

-John Prine, 'Living in the Future'

I had what you might call a Jewish Grandmother kind of weekend (fixed latkes, bought a woolly sweater), but there was one heart-racing moment: Sunday night, when I thought my sketchy Russian Internet had finally given out. Sunday night, when I realized (not for the first time) that I love the Internet more than whiskey, ice cream, and puppies. If some perverse Soviet landlord offered me a household Sophie's choice: hot water or Ethernet? – I would go out and buy a big kettle to bathe in. No question.
The 21st century, so far, is distinctly lacking in awesomeness. I came along far too late to be shattered by the end of 60's idealism, but even I can see that. Where are the hover-cars? Where are the eerily intelligent and benevolent aliens? Where are the honest politicians? Anyway, the Internet is one of the few things that are inarguably futuristic and awesome in 2009. This morning, without even getting out of bed, I checked my mail, read the newspapers of three countries, admired my friends' vacation photos, and listened to some music. Later on I'll visit the forums at Dave's ESL café and see if any other English teachers, scattered across the globe, have come up with cool ideas for teaching the irregular past simple to bored 13 year olds. I'm sure they have.
Writing this now makes me feel a bit guilty for being so irked at Skype last night. I was talking to my parents and the connection/sound quality was lousy. I think the exact way I put it was: "Your picture is chopped to bits and your goddamn microphone sounds like you put it in a tin box and dropped it down an artesian well." It was so bad that we had to hang up.
But 'bad,' I now realize, is relative. What did people gripe about before email, bandwidth, international cell phones, etc?
490 BC: Message received. Would have sent him back, but unfortunately, he's dead.
1805 AD: Dear President Jefferson. Bad weather in the Bitterroots. Had to eat the horses. Send help if you receive this letter in the next two years.
1917: About those battle plans, Lieutenant…I think the carrier pigeon got held up in a wheat field…
Put things in perspective. Still, I love hand-written letters, even if they're impossible to receive/send in the black hole of the Russian postal system. Escape velocity can be achieved, but only for a price (insured airmail by European FedEx). Maybe I should handwrite letters and then scan them into my computer and email them. Whoa dude! Too trippy!
Sadly, I don't have a scanner. And the babushkas outside are all bundled up, wading into the snow to sweep the streets with birch-twig brooms, just like they're done for untold centuries. So maybe we're not living in the future after all. S'ok. This era suits me fine. Just as long as I have my Internet...